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Thursday, August 1, 2013

What doesn't kill you can only make me stronger

There comes a time in everyone's life when we all start to realize that we do not want to share everything about our lives. Some things we keep to ourselves, because they are too personal, we don't want people to know about the sad parts of our lives, the tears, the heartbreaks, and the disappointments. And some are just memories that we would like to keep to ourselves to cherish forever.

As a blogger you are faced with the decision of "how much is too much?" I know there are a lot of bloggers that share EVERYTHING about their lives, the good, the bad and the ugly. Some only share bits and pieces, because they are afraid that others will judge them. But just like Miley Cyrus says in her song (yes I am quoting Miley Cyrus, leave me alone) "Forget the haters, cuz somebody loves you." So today I decided to forget the haters and share what has been happening in my life lately.

My boyfriend and I ended things two weeks ago, (well I guess I should say my ex boyfriend now) so you can expect that after being with him for a little bit over 2 years I took it hard. And the fact that we were living together only made things worse, since we had to see each other until we figured out what we were gonna do about our living arrangements. I decided to leave and let him keep the apartment, so I went back home to my parent's house. I loved that apartment, it was our little home and it was so close to work and school for both of us but I knew that I wasn't ready to start living with someone else, even if that someone else was a friend. So I talked to my parents and of course they welcomed me with open arms. 

It's been almost a week since I have been living with them, they have a 4 bedroom house, but two of those four rooms are being used as a storage for my brother's stuff (He used to live in California and came back to Texas a couple of months ago) so right now I do not have a room, a small place of my own. I am sleeping on the sofa and my clothes are in a box. I have to drive about 40 minutes from my parents house to my work, and that's just a one way trip.I have also been working 35+hours for the last couple of weeks, and I had to add packing my stuff on top of that. 

I am mentally and physically exhausted, which explains my lack of blog posts. And the last two I did manage to publish were drafts, so I just published them so it wouldn't feel so quite around here, but after that I couldn't even look at my laptop. I felt guilty because I was abandoning my blog, so last week during one of the nights where I just couldn't sleep I turned on my laptop and tried to write something but it was useless. I didn't know what to say, and I didn't want to pretend like everything was fine when in reality my whole world was falling apart.

You may think that I am sounding a little over dramatic over a break up, but you gotta understand that this was my first ADULT relationship. We lived together for crying out loud, so of course I am gonna take it hard, and the fact that I moved back to my parent's house has made me feel like a failure. When I left their house almost 3 years ago I promised myself that I wouldn't come back again to live here, not because my parents are horrible and treat me bad, no it's nothing like that. I just always had big dreams, and wanted big things for myself, and being able to make it out on my own in the real world was one of them. So having one of my dreams crushed just made things worse.

But thanks to the support of my parents, my brother and my sister (who lives in California, but still took the time to make sure I knew she was there for me ) and my best friend I have been able to get through this. I am trying to be strong, because to be honest there is no other option if I want to find happiness again. So after hearing my sad sob story I hope that you can all understand if it gets a little quite around here, I am not quitting blogging because I love it too much and it has become a big part of my life, but I will be honest with you, I know that I will not have good days, days where I will break down and blogging will be the last thing on my mind. So please bare with me while I make this big transition in my new life.

15 comments:

  1. Jessica, you're very brave to post something so personal, and so thoughtful to think of your followers. We understand that life will hit us with challenges, and we won't always have time or energy to blog, and that's ok. I wish for you love, strength, and hope. Know that even though I don't know you personally, just by reading what you wrote, I know that you will reach your goals and fulfill your dreams. In your own time. Take things one step at a time, and you'll get there. You have a wonderful support group, so turn to them when you need to, and keep your head up, because 1) you're beautiful and 2) you can do this!. :) <3

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. At first it felt weird opening myself up to strangers, but once I did it, it only felt right. I may not know who my readers are, but at least they know who I AM. Even during the good and bad.

      XOXO Jessica

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  2. Oh honey, I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling. I really hope your heart heels and everything ends up better soon! So great you have such loving support around you, and just know it's here in the blog world-let me know if there's anything I can do for you.

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  3. Jessica, I just want to give you a great big hug. I can't even imagine what you're going through, but I know it's painful. I know it was probably very difficult for you to post this, but the fact that you did shows that you are an incredibly strong woman. Now that you've shared your situation with all of us in the blog world, we can be here for you with our love and support! I'm here if you ever want to talk!

    Oh, and you are NOT a failure for moving back in with your parents! You made a decision that worked best for you and that shows are smart and once again, very strong. I know you will find happiness in the future and I can't wait to be here when you do. :)

    Shelby xoxo

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    1. Thank you Shelby, your comment really means a lot! You are so sweet. I don't wanna sound like a cry baby but your comment really did make me cry, of happiness. It made me feel like I could overcome this, and I think I am. Just little by little.

      XOXO Jessica

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  4. Oh jessica, HUGS!!! Been there, done that. It hurts. It takes time. I'm sorry :(
    Seriously, big big internet hugs!!

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    1. Thank you for the hugs! They were MUCH needed. And still are from time to time.

      XOXO Jessica

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  5. I remember my breakup that was exactly like that.. two years together, lived together, and almost one month from getting married. I really am sorry for the pain you are going through, and I know that anything anyone says really doesn't help. Just know that it really does get better(2 years later I am now married to an amazing man, and we are now expecting our first child.)With the whole moving back home situation, it doesn't mean failure at all. I've moved back in multiple times.

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    1. It's good to hear that there is a happily ever after at some point! Thanks for sharing and best luck to you. Hope to find my happy ever after as well :)

      XOXO Jessica

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  6. Jessica, you are beautiful for being so brave and opening up your heart to us. God has great plans for you and will always love you more than any boyfriend or husband ever would!

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    1. Thank you Jacy! Things happen for a reason and I cannot wait to find out what God has in store for me!

      XOXO Jessica

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  7. your very brave for sharing this :)
    im here to support you :)

    Jenn

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    1. Thank you Jennn, means a lot :)

      XOXO Jessica

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  8. It was very brave of you to share this with all of us. Don't worry. Take your time ;)

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    1. Thanks!I am trying my best to take one day at a time!

      XOXO Jessica

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